name: Yahtzee. That's it.
Occupation: Soon to be ruler of the world
Ambitions: To rule the world
Looks: Tall, with unkempt brown hair under a red
baseball cap with a smiley face on the front. Spectacles.
White short-sleeved collared shirt and black waistcoat.
Blue jeans. Recently began chain-smoking, rarely seen now
without a cigarette.
Notes: Yahtzee's past is a shady one, even to
him - he doesn't know his real name, nor where he used to
live. What he does know is that he wants to rule the
world. Partly because he sees it as badly run, but mostly
to spite it. He bought a volcano base in the South
Pacific, assembled his team, and set to work...
Special abilities: Strategic and
tactical evil genius following a blow on the head.
Blackmailer's Friend in head allows him to read people's
darkest secrets. False leg made of intelligent plastic
which can adapt to any situation and take on any shape.
He says: "They called me mad, you
know! Mad! I'll show them!"
They say: "He may be a power-hungry
madman but he's really an OK guy." (Paul)
name: Robert Jeremiah Blanc
Occupation: Resident moron
Ambitions: None worth speaking of
Looks: Just under Yahtzee's height, medium
build. Black hair parted on one side. Denim jacket and
jeans, t-shirt for some indeterminate rock band.
Notes: Rob was squatting with Paul at the
volcano base when Yahtzee moved in, and eventually
decided to work for him in exchange for letting them
stay. As to what he was doing before then, little is
known, and Rob seems reluctant to talk about it. He's a
little slow-witted at times but maintains a form of
brotherly affection for his best friend Paul.
Special abilities: Bionic vision which
can work as a heat laser or an X-ray.
He says: "Agh! My eyes! It
They say: "He's the resident
name: Paul Sessapin Grewald
Occupation: Mad inventor
Ambitions: All the major scientific goals: time
travel, hyperdrives, stuff like that
Looks: Short and slightly built, with a shock of
green hair and dark glasses. Light blue jumper and grey
trousers. Brown shoes. Almost constantly has hands in
Notes: Paul is one laid-back guy. He only works
when he feels like it and, when given other tasks, is
more than likely to try and find some way out of it.
Having said that, he enjoys and is very good at
engineering, having developed such masterpieces as the
Stewpifier, the Blackmailer's Friend, the bionic arm he
made for himself and the Death Ray. It was recently
revealed that Paul is an alien youth from the planet
Begurath 3. This explains why his hair colour is natural.
Special abilities: Technical genius,
with expertise in robotics, rocket science and elementary
brain surgery amongst other things. Right arm replaced
with 22-function bionic equivalent.
He says: "It's not a superpower,
it's a bionic arm."
They say: "He's a nice kid but he
needs to get his priorities straight." (Yahtzee)
Somewhere into 6000
Nationality: Somewhere Up There
Ambitions: To really tick off The Big
Looks: Extremely slightly built, being
only about six inches tall. White full-body garment.
Wings. Bald with very small eyes and mouth and no nose.
Blue skin. Borg implants.
Notes: Previously Yahtzee's conscience,
Gary lost his job after failing to sway the megalomaniac
and decided to work for Yahtzee to spite his former
employers. Flying tires him out eventually so he spends
most of his time sitting on Yahtzee's shoulder, advising
him as he continues his unholy quest. Recently partly
assimilated by a rogue Borg collective, Gary still wears
abilities: Flight, and has an empathic link with
"I'm only 6000 and already a fallen angel!"
They say: "Are you a boy angel or a
girl angel?" (Rob)
name: Ludova Featherstone
Never ask a woman her age
Nationality: Not referred to, but
Ambitions: To sort out Yahtzee's
Looks: Attractive young pseudo-anime
chick with pink hair, usually in a green poloneck and
Notes: Ludo, the only woman on the team,
was officially hired as an accountant, but in reality
because Rob and Gary wrongly suspected that Yahtzee and
Paul were becoming homosexual. Her old body was lost when
General Middenhoffenpock shot her, but her mind was later
transplanted into the vacant body of Derek of Dagonbar 8.
See Derek of Dagonbar 8.
Special abilities: Being pretty.
She says: "I think I might not have
been hired as an accountant after all."
They say: "You have nice
name: General Patrick Middenhoffenpock
Nationality: Some unnamed, heavily-armed Middle
Occupation: Vengeance seeker
Ambitions: To destroy Yahtzee.
Looks: Tall and well-developed, in a light
yellow torn shirt. Third-degree burns on 74% of his body.
Black leather jacket and trousers. Fez.
Notes: General Middenhoffenpock was reduced to a
psychopathic cripple when Yahtzee stole his nuke and blew
him and his base up. When he arrived on Yahtzee island he
shot Ludo in the head then confronted his nemesis at the
very top of the island fortress. Following an epic
battle, he was run through with Yahtzee's plastic leg and
thrown off the mountain. His body was never found, but
true hatred never dies... as was proved when he
reappeared to murder a bunch of partying teenagers.
Eventually Yahtzee tried to make friends and part on good
terms. This didn't go down well.
Special abilities: Driven on by his
hatred and anger, and being a convenient villain to keep
bringing back, it should be safe to assume that the
General is marginally indestructible.
He says: "I VOW NEVER TO REST UNTIL
YAHTZEE IS DEAD!!!"
They say: "He was a crazy
bastard." (An unnamed looter)